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Question: What is the funniest most hilarious joke you’ve ever heard?

What is the funniest most hilarious joke you’ve ever heard?

ANSWER:

Answer by J- Step
When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh – just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s going to shoot anyone.

Answer by Irish Cuite
well 3 Men were captured and were to be killed by natives on a deserted island! the Chief said i set you free if you go get 1 type of fruit and 50 of its kind! and they went 1st guy came with bananas and the Chief said stick them up your butt if you get all 50 of them in you go! he got 5 in screamed they chop his head off! he went to heaven! well the 2nd guy came with blue Berry’s got to 49 and started cracking up laughing out of confusion they killed him! he went to heaven and the 1st and 2 nd guy started talking the1st guy said why did you laugh 2nd guy said it was to funny 1st guy said what was to funny 2nd guy said “i saw the 3rd guy coming back with pineapples”

i have a harsh one

when fara fosite died she went to heaven and god granted her one wish she said “i want all the children to be safe”
Then michel jakson died

i dont like this joke but it is a joke

Answer by dance2015
i can’t pick my favorite but these are some goodies

a woman is in labor and tells her doctor that she wants to feel no pain at all

“well scientists have discovered something that uses the emotional connection between the father and the mother and the father feels the pain” the doctor said

the husband agrees and they get everything set up.
at first they only set it to 25% and the husband feels no pain
then to 50%- still no pain
they put it on full blast but the husband feels no pain.
they go home from the hospital and find the mailman dead on the sidewalk
————————————–…
A lawyer has an affair with his secretary.

After some time, the secretary notices she’s pregnant and the lawyer, who dosen’t want his wife to know, gives the secretary an important amount of money and tells her to go and give birth in Italy.

She asks : “And how will you know when the baby is born?”

The lawyer responds: “So that my wife dosen’t find out, send me a postcard with the word “Spaghetti” written on the back. And don’t you worry about anything, I’ll take care of all the expenses.”

A couple of months later the lawyer gets a call at the office from his wife who sounds a bit suspicious: “Dear, I just got the mail today and there’s a really strange postcard from Italy. I really don’t know what it means.”

The lawyer, trying not to sound nervous, answers: “Wait ’till I get home and I’ll see if I can understand it…”

When he arrives and reads the postcard, he falls down on the floor with a heart attack.

An ambulance comes and takes him away. In the hospital, the cardiology chief comforts the wife and asks her what had happend to the man to make him have a heart attack.

The wife gets the postcard and shows it to the doctor saying: “I don’t get it, doctor, he just read this postal. See for yourself what’s written.”

“Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with sausage and meatballs
and two with clams. ”
————————————–…
While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be
sent away as soon as possible.

Branch Manager

A second note following the report:

Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to you
today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,…….
for my true assessment of him.

Regards,

Branch Manager
————————————–…
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: “Ooh, I don’t often meet anyone in these parts.” They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: “Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could!
————————————–…
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning she went to get the mail and saw a package on her driveway.
She opened it and saw a weight scale.
Her husband has been missing for 5 weeks….

Answer by ???
When I was 14 my dad told me everything about the birds and the bees……………that bastard. Thanks to him I ended up going steady with a woodpecker until I was 21. And I was only a couple of hours away before we finally did it, too bad though she died cause she caught the bird flu.

What do you think? Answer below!