Have any good jokes?? if you do tell me?
September 9, 2011
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Posted by admin
happy blog edited the following
Question: Have any good jokes?? if you do tell me?
Do you have any good jokes? Blonde,sports, or any thing else (no dirty) if you do tell me!!
The answer in the following:
Answer by Richard K
Simple Simon met a pie man,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
“What do you have there ?”
Pie Man : “Pies, you dummy !”
Answer by luvnaruto
A man had been getting migraines for most of his life, and he finally decided to go to the doctors about it. The doctor looked him over and said; ” i am afraid your testicles are rather large, and they are pressing against the base of your spinal column and causing the headaches.”
“So what should i do?” says the man.
“Well, you have two options. One, you leave it be and live with the migraines for the rest of your life, or two, you can have a castration.”
The man agonized for ages, but decided, as his migraines were really serious, that he would get the castration done.
After the operation, he felt like a new man! no more migraines! as he felt so refeshed he decided to buy a suit so that he could go and celebrate properly with his family. He walked into the suit store, and an elderly clerk came up to him.
“I take it you are looking for a new suit?” he said.
“I can tell you your measurements exactly, as i have a practiced eye from all these years as a tailor.”
“Really?” says the man, “Ok, what is my waist measurement?”
“37 inches”
“Amazing! bang on the dot! What about my chest?”
The old man considers him for a moment;
“42 inches”
again, the old clerk was right!
As the clerk was writing down the measurements for the suit to be tailored, he asked; ” Will you be wanting new underwear to go with this? I take it you wear a size large?”
” Ha! No! i wear a medium! i have done all my life! I got you now!”
The clerk looked concerned; “but sir! wearing underwear that is too tight can compress your testicles to the base of your spinal column and give you migraines!”
New shirt; $ 80
New trousers; $ 85
New Jacket; $ 100
Second opinion; Priceless
Answer by Ncountered778
Well I found a joke which is auctually pretty good here.
It is a written joke, but it is in picture format and I cant copy it.
I dont want to re-type it.
Just go here and click on the picture to enlarge so you can read it:
http://icanhasfunny.blogspot.com/2008/11/sexual-calorie-counter.html
Answer by John R
if Quiz is to quizicle
Then what is a Test?
Answer by Joe K
Blonde And The Horrible Accident
A blonde had totaled her car in a horrible accident. It was a miracle to watch as she pulled herself from the wreckage without any bruises or injuries. Bystanders were shocked when she proceeded to walk away with no shock on her face and began to apply fresh lipstick to her lips. The state trooper chose this moment to drive up and question the girl.
“My word!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde stated.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” asked the officer as he looked over the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
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Categories: Today’s Joke
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Tags: Good, Have, jokes, Tell
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A man gets a call from the hospital saying his wife was in a really bad car accident. He rushes to the hospital and the doctor says I have bad news. It was a horrible accident. Your wife will be crippled and paralyzed from the neck down. You’ll have to feed her, clothe her, bathe her, and change her, because she has no control over her bladder. You’ll have to provide 24-hour around the clock health care service of which your insurance is not going to cover… And the man starts crying hysterically saying this is horrible. And the doctor says I’m just kidding she’s dead.
A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says I have bad news and I have worse news. So the guy says first tell me the bad news. So the doctor says you have 24 hours to live. The man says, then what’s the worse news? And doctor says I forgot to call you yesterday.
Where do you find a legless dog?
Where you left it.
knock knock.
who’s there?
interrupting cow.
inter…
MOO!
the cow has now interrupted!
Michael Jackson was at the beach and a lady came up to him and said “would you mind moving, your in my sun” (son)
One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. This man was OLD! He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard. When Jesus asked if he could help, the old man
advised him in a shaky voice that he was looking for his son. Jesus wanted to help but didn’t think he could as there were millions of people there.
“I know I can identify him very easily by the holes in his hands and feet,” states the old man.
Jesus does a double take and says, “Father?”
The old man looks at Jesus and says, “Pinocchio?”
The shitfaced dero was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk”
The wasted dero asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Obviously relieved, the wino said “That’s a relief – I thought I was a cripple.”
Firm It Up
One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.”
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, “You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra.”
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
With a death grip in place she said, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.
hope i helped!!!
Two lawyers…
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything , including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!”
The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.
“What happened ?” asked the waiting car occupant.
The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”