Hi,I did the following:
Q&A: I need some jokes for a school project?

What is the best joke you have ever heard? I need them for a school project. They also have to be appropriate for school, so no racist or adult jokes. Thanks!

ANSWER:

Answer by Saintly Sinner
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined . Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of 0. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season pass?”

Answer by stn1225
What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES

Two S’s on the ends and a mile in the middle.

Answer by acedeucenik
If you had bought 00.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth .00.

With Enron, you would have .50 of the original ,000.00 invested a year before bankruptcy..

With WorldCom, you would have less than .00 left.

If you invested 00.00 with Bernie Madoff you would have

If you had bought ,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have 5.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Answer by Girl
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt.

USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him.

‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.

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Tell me something,” asked Freddie, “how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach, Little Johnny?”

Little Johnny scratched his lizard pecker head and said, “Well, five, I think.”

“Wrong,” said Jon. “You can only eat just one. After that, your stomach isn’t empty any more! Gotcha!”

Little Johnny was impressed so he decided to pull the joke on his sister, Judi, when he got home.

“Hey, Sis, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?”

Judi thought for a minute or two (it takes awhile to get those two brain cells to fire together) and said, “Two.”

Little Johnny was dejected. “Aw, if you’d said *five* I had a great joke for you!”

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Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised that Johnny was home so early, his mother asked, “Why are you home from school so early?”

Johnny answered, “I was the only one who could answer a question.”

“Oh, really? What was the question?” his mother asked.

“Who threw the eraser at the teacher?”

What do you think? Answer below!