These are useful and collceted by happy blog!
Q&A: Some Funny Jokes!@?!?!?!?!?

Hello. I am extremly bored, and want some jokes. Any types! ! Or scary TRUE stories. Thanks! <3 Lifes To Short To Wear Boring Socks<3

ANSWER:

Answer by Johnny ™
Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday” and probably have a present for me. She didn’t even say “Good Morning”, let alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. The children will remember. “The children came down to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, “Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday.” I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday to you…….and there I sat on the couch…….naked.

Answer by sohowestt24th
two goldfish hopped into a tank and the one said you drive i shoot.

well. haha, here at my beach house, the town is like a new york vegas. party, party, party. and i was walking and i saw these idiots start walking all close behind me so i turned my ipod all the way down, they are like dude i wonder if she can hear us, then they started making comments about how amazing my a$ $ looked. i turned around and smiled at them and poured my energy drink on them and i thought they were going to sh!t themselves. i told them to f.uck off. it was pretty legit. so next time you sense ass holes behind you turn your ipod down and listen to there hilarious comments.

okay, last night. i was with my friends betsey and kate. we were walking around and they were like gee why don’t we get high. so i walked to there house with them, and they were so high. we walked into town, and they were so out of it. and these two amazingly hott italian boys come over to us and start talking…
boys: hey you wanna come chill with us?
me: sure, how old are you?
betsey: god are you hott.
boys: i’m nineteen, he’s eighteen, you?
me: fifteen and fourteen.
kate: dude, your old enough to be our babysitter.
ahhaha they just walked away and i thought betsey was going to deck kate. ahha it was hilarious. i think you had to be there.

Answer by sailorsacouts
ok um… i got 1 how how can you fit an elephant in a fridge by pushing him and closing the door on him. how do u fit a girrafe in a fridge by taking out the elephant and shoving him into the fridge.the lion calls all the animals into a meeting what animal doesnt go ? the girrafe doesnt go cause he stuck in the fridge . how do you cross a swamp full of alligators ? just walk because all of them are at the meeting

Answer by orangelc
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poke Her face!!!!

Answer by Patty
A Mormon Priest, a Catholic Priest, and a Southern Baptist priest are sitting at a bar.
The catholic priest says “I have six kids now, I have a basketball team”

The southern baptist priest says “I have eleven kids now, I have a football team

The mormon priest says “I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course”

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!