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Q&A: what are some funny redneck jokes or letters that can cheer me up i hav Had a really hard day today?

Q&A:

Answer by brownO_ocow.
A professor at the Texas A&M was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’

About 90 students raise their hands.

‘Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you, who believe in ghosts, do any
of you think you’ve seen a ghost?’

About 40 students raise their hands.

‘That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone
here ever talked to a ghost?’

About 15 students raise their hands.

‘Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’

3 students raise their hands.

‘That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further… Have any of you
ever made love to a ghost?’

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, ‘Son, all the years I’ve been
giving this lecture no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’

The big Texas redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Bubba, tell us
what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’

Bubba replied, ‘Shiiiiit! , from way back thar I thought you said, Goats.’

Answer by JoJo
Designated drunkard

Rednecks don’t let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.

Top 10 Reasons to Know You’re a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife’s birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You’ve used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) ’66 Ford Fairlane b) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) ’64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

Answer by Chicken Choker
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe. “I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. “I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. “I want to get weighed,” she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”

Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”

—Three old men were sitting on a park bench comparing notes on the problems of growing old. The first said he couldn’t remember the last time he had a good bowel movement. The second one said his problem was more with his bladder and prostate. The third old man laughed and said he must be the lucky one.
“Every morning at seven I pee, and then at eight I have a good dump,” he told them. ” I just wish I could wake up before nine.”

Here’s a sick one.

Two hobos meet while walking down the street.”First hobo” How’s it going today? “second hobo” I’m well,how are you? “First hobo” I’m great.You wouldn’t believe what happened to me today I found this woman down by the railroad tracks and I took her out in the woods and we had mad passionate sex.The “second hobo” says Wow! did she give you any head? The “first hobo says” I never found her head.

A pirate walks into a bar with the ship’s wheel attached to his penis. Bartender looks up and says “Doesn’t that bother you?”

Pirate sighs and says “Argh! yes! ’tis driving me nuts!”

While Bubba and Billy Bob, two rednecks from Arkansas. were in the local Wal-Mart they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, “Great!, I love spaghetti!”
Billy Bob asked Bubba, “How ’bout you, how’s the toilet brush?
“Not so good,” replied Bubba, “I reckon I’m gonna go back to using paper.”

Answer by Sam
Here’s some redneck ones.

You might be a redneck if you think silence of the lambs is when your wife goes out to the barn!
You might be a redneck if you think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 miles per hour!
You might be a redneck if you recorded wrestling over your wedding tape.
You might be a redneck if you name your kids Bob,
and Angry Whopper.

Here’s a long one.

A magical frog went down to the watering hole in a huge forest.
The forest was so huge that he had never seen another animal in his whole life. He came upon a bear chasing a rabbit. He stopped them and said, “Since you are the first animals I have ever seen in my life, I will grant you each 3 wishes.” The bear goes first. “I wish all the bears in this forest besides me were female!” The rabbit says, “I wish for a crash helmet!” The bear, seeing the rabbit’s stupidity, says, “I wish that all the bears in the next forest besides me were female!” The rabbit says, “I wish for a motorcycle with a full tank of gas!” The bear, astounded by the rabbit’s stupidity, says, “I wish that all the bears in the world besides me were female!” The rabbit grins, then hops on his motorcycle, puts on his helmet.

He guns it, then says, “I wish the bear was gay!”

Answer by Jessica Anne
I do not know any redneck jokes….
but just for the record, I live in Arkansas,
And really…we are NOT dumb…
well…a few old people are, but not everyone.

*We do not run around barefoot or in overalls

*Yes, some of us may have country accents, but i am proud of country accents because it shows people who you really are and where you came from.

*We don’t all listen to country music…in fact, I hate country music! I listen to rock and pop.

*We do not say “Howdy”

*We do say “Yall” but it isn’t all country like some movies make it out to be. Because you people say stuff like “so what are all of you guys going to do tonight” and then we saying “so what are yall going to do tonight”
it simply just shorter

*We do not marry family members, thats just weird.

*We do not live on farms…some people do, but that is because they do it for a living, but most people that I know do not own or work on a farm

*We have malls and stuff…they just aren’t that big. [well, Little Rock's is]

*We do wear Camo…a lot. haha

*We go deer hunting…[i don't but most people down here do]

*We go Muddin’
[That is where you get on a four-wheeler, and go someplace real muddy, and you just go as fast as you can, and mud goes flying everywhere...its really fun]

*We go fishing

*We go duck hunting

*We aren’t exactly rich, but we aren’t dirt poor either.

*Country guys are HOT!

*We don’t hit things with our car and then eat them. thats really gross

I don’t think anyone should talk about a certain place, unless they have been there before.

thats all i’m saying

What do you think? Answer below!